i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My vagina is officially offended.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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