So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize