my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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