So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize