I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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