I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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