put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
