You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize