glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
