Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
