I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
