im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Operation Purity has been aborted
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
