hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
