I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
