Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You've changed since you got that strap on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
