Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
