he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize