Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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