nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
