her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize