A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
