That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
