Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
