So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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