But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
