Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize