In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
