PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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