we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize