Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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