btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
