You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
