considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
