With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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