Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
