Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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