I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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