I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
