So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
