I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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