I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
