When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
