I wish I only lived at night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
