hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
