I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
