So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
