Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
