I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
