Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
