Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
