i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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