I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to calm my uterus...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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