Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
