So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
