This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
