I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
