So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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