you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
that may or may not have been my penis.
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