dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
