My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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