If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
