it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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