Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
