I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
