My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
