i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
