All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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