fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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