We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
