someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize