he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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