I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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