It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
