i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
