The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
