girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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