hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
