I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
