Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize